Interviewing Naruto & Co
by Namii Levee
Summary: If you were allowed to ask anybody in Konoha a question, what would it be? Join me as I ask every character I know questions that no one else would probably ask! You can become a cohost if you review and send some questions for the next interview. Review!
1. The Hokages

Summary: If you were allowed to ask any of the Naruto characters questions, what would they be? Join me as I ask each and every character I know questions that no one else would probably ask (okay, maybe some of you would ask them these).

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I do own what happens to them in their interviews!

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**Interviewing Naruto & Co.**

**Ravestar15: **Hey there! Glad everybody could be here today. Now, are we ready to begin?

**Audience: **YEEAAHH!

**Ravestar15: **Alrighty then! The first few interviews are those with the former/present Hokages! Come on out guys!

**(Shodaime, Nidaime, Sandaime, Yondaime, & Godaime enter and have a seat.)**

**Ravestar15: **Let's begin. Here's a question for everyone: What's the worst part of the job of being Hokage?

**Shodaime, Nidaime, Sandaime, Yondaime, Godaime: **(shrieking) The amount of paperwork we have to put up with!

**Ravestar15: **(traumatized with their behavior) Okay then…what about the best part?

**Shodaime: **Since I founded the village in the first place, making up the rules is the best.

**Nidaime: **You have to admit that having total control over the village is pretty cool!

**Sandaime: **My crystal ball. I can spy on anyone within the village.

**Ravestar15: **Cool! Can I use it later? (makes puppy eyes)

**Sandaime: **No. (Ravestar15 falls face-first)

**Yondaime: **I have no idea. I was Hokage for only two years, so how would I know? (thinks hard) Oh yeah! You get front row seats to everything!

**Godaime: **I say screw the paperwork, but bring on the money…and the sake.

**Ravestar15: **Nice responses, guys. Here's the next question for the Shodaime & Nidaime. What was life like when you guys were kids?

**Shodaime: **Oh, we would fight often over stupid things.

**Nidaime: **Hey! Fighting over who stole my underwear was not stupid!!

**Ravestar15: **You would actually steal his underwear??

**Shodaime: **Yep. And I would write little comments and doodle on them.

**Nidaime: **You would WHAT?!

**(Nidaime jumps out of his chair and attempts to strangle the Shodaime.)**

**Ravestar15: **(laughing) Nice job! I should do that with my brother some time. Next question goes to the Godaime, also known as Tsunade. Who got you hooked on sake and gambling?

**Godaime a.k.a Tsunade: **I already liked to gamble when I was a kid, but it was that perverted Jiraiya who got me hooked on sake. When we were twenty-one, he took me out for a drink in order to get me drunk enough to probably do something unstable. Who knows, maybe he wanted me to take my shirt off. Anyway, he gave me enough drinks that would make any other shinobi die of alcohol poisoning. In the end, I thought he was some hobo trying to rape me and I ended up beating the crap out of him.

(Everybody is staring at her with surprise and shock. Shodaime and Nidaime are still trying to strangle each other.)

**Ravestar15: **(O.O face) Wow. You must have a fast metabolism then. Next question belongs to the Sandaime. Was it tough trying to train the Legendary Sannin?

**Sandaime: **You have no idea. Jiraiya would always try to peek down Tsunade's shirt; Tsunade would always beat him to a pulp; Orochimaru would just sit there and eat popcorn while they fought. It was hell if you ask me.

**Ravestar15: **Yeah well, all teachers find it hell to teach students. I feel bad for all of the teachers at my school now since they have to put up with us five days a week. Anyway, Nidaime, how did you react when you heard that your brother was killed? Were you sad?

(Shodaime & Nidaime are now back in their seats. Shodaime has a bloody nose, black eye, and several bruises; Nidaime just has a black eye.)

**Nidaime: **Are you kidding? I was practically dancing around the village in happiness! My brother was finally gone forever!! (makes a happy face)

**Shodaime: **(clobbers his head) You did not! I saw you from above, idiot, and you were crying your eyes out on my bed while clutching my pillow!

**Nidaime: **I DID NOT!!!

(Shodaime & Nidaime are back on the floor beating the hell out of each other.)

**Ravestar15: **Well, they're gonna like that for a while and I don't have any more questions to ask. I guess that's about it. Tsunade, can you do the closing for me?

**Godaime: **No. Do it yourself.

**Ravestar15: **(pleads) PLEASE? I'll give you a cookie if you do it. See? Here it is. (waves a fresh chocolate-chip cookie)

**Godaime: **I said no.

**Ravestar15: **Damn, and I thought I had you. Would you do it for a king-sized bottle of sake?

(Godaime jumps her and grabs the sake bottle with both hands.)

**Ravestar15: **(beaten & bruised) Will you say it now?

**Godaime: **(happily rubs sake bottle against her cheek) Next interview: The Legendary Sannin! Tune in next time, and don't forget to review for Ravestar15!!

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**How was it, people? If you want to take part as a co-host in the next interview, review and tell me what kinds of questions to ask them. If I like the questions you send me, I'll give you the position of co-host! Hope to receive some good questions!**


	2. The Legendary Sannin

**Disclaimer: Naruto is not mine, although I do keep Haku and Zabuza in my closet while Neji struggles against his bonds under my bed...and I'm still wondering if Kankuro will ever let me use him as a teddy bear again...he was so comfy. **

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**Ravestar15:**Hey everybody! Welcome back to 'Interviewing Naruto & Co.'! I have some great news and some not so cool news.

**Audience:**What?

**Ravestar15:**Hmm, do you really want to know that badly?

**Audience:**Tell us!

**Ravestar15:**Maybe--

**Audience:**(carrying various weapons) TELL US DAMMIT!!

**Ravestar15:**(sweatdrops) --maybe I will tell you after this interview.

**Audience Member Who Is Carrying A Pipe With Mysterious Blood Stains On Them: **Tell us the news and you will forever spare yourself the monstrosity of hell!

**Ravestar15:**Okay-crazy-insane-people-who-hold-weapons-of-mass-destruction-that-are-willing-to-crush-my-skull-in-order-to-hear-my-news, enough already!! Fine, I'll tell you.

**Audience:**(Sweetly) See? We didn't have to use force to convince you.

**Ravestar15:**(_I seriously need to remember to hire bodyguards…and to pick a more NORMAL audience!) _Bad news is that I got so many great reviews that I just couldn't pick out one to be the new co-host! And they had such great questions too!

(Reviewers are about to strangle Ravestar15)

**Ravestar15:**Yo, I got good news as well. So don't kill me just yet! The great news is that we will not be having one, but four new co-hosts! Come on out guys, and introduce yourselves!

(Iruletheworld0, eastercat, Icy Sapphire15, Ta the SunTwin, and a blonde girl walk in and take a seat)

**Eastercat:**Hey Dan--!

**Ravestar15:**Do you mind here? I'm trying to remain anonymous, unless you want me to tell everybody your full name, address, phone number…

**Eastercat:**Okay I get it!

**Ta the SunTwin: **Hiyas!

**Icy Sapphire15: **Hello.

**Iruletheworld0:**Why are we here again?

**Ravestar15:**Alrighty then! Let's start the interviews with the Legendary Sannin! Come on out my fellow shinobi!

(Jiraiya, Tsunade, & Orochimaru enter and have a seat.)

Tsunade: And why am I here again? (Takes a sip of sake from the last interview (WOW! She still has it?))

Ravestar15: 'Cause you're one of the Legendary Sannin, and that doesn't excuse you from being interviewed once again, so deal with it!

Jiraiya: Hey! This isn't a hot springs! And I thought I was going to be able to do my 'research' here!

Orochimaru: Pfft, what a pathetic waste of time. I don't care what you people say, I'm going back to train Sasuke so that he can get stronger.

Blonde Girl: (squeals) OROCHIMARU!!

(Blonde girl tackles and ties up a shocked Orochimaru)

Ravestar15: Oh don't tell me it's her…(places palm on forehead and groans)

(Blonde girl is still squealing over Orochimaru, who is still tied up and rather confused.)

Ravestar15: Nicole, just what the hell are you doing here? And why did you have to choose Orochimaru, of all the Naruto characters, as your hot guy?

Nicole: To question #1, I heard from Jedda (A friend from school) that you were doing an interview, so I came. As for Orochimaru, HE IS DAMN SEXY!

Ravestar15: (mutters) Whatever. Let's just begin already. Let's start with Ta the SunTwin, who was my first reviewer.

Ta the SunTwin: Gladly. The first question is for Tsunade, my favorite strongest woman in all of 'Naruto'. Can you defeat a Crog from 'Oban-Star Racers'? A Crog is seven-feet tall and looks similar to a Heartless from 'Kingdom Hearts'.

Tsunade: Well, whenever I have free time I play a bit of Kingdom Hearts now and then. I have seen what the Heartless look like and I can say that if I can take on the tiny ones with one swipe, then I can definitely destroy a seven-foot tall look-alike.

Ravestar15: Let's put that theory to a test, shall we? (snaps fingers)

(Crog appears and drags Tsunade away by the hair. Explosions can be heard in the background. Everybody sweatdrops.)

Ta the SunTwin: Since she's busy, let's move on to the next question…that is for Orochimaru. Do you ever get pissed for people saying you are gay just because they write stories saying you are gay? Oh yeah, and what's your favorite jutsu?

Nicole: Of course he's gay! He's got Sasuke to fool around with and to ra--!

**Ravestar15:**That's enough already! Geez, how'd I get such a yaoi-freak for a friend? If you guys aren't careful, she WILL corrupt your mind.

**Nicole:**Yay! It's so fun! I've already destroyed part of your sanity, and there's my win!

**Ravestar15:**(depression lines) Did you have to remind me?

**Orochimaru:**(ignoring everyone else) My favorite jutsu is the one I invented to pass over to another's body. Once Sasuke grows strong enough, I will use it on him and gain control over the Sharingan and copy every technique in the world.

**Nicole:**(mumbles) Or rather he'll keep Sasuke as his toy…

**Ravestar15:**THAT'S IT! YOU AND I HAVE TO TALK RIGHT NOW!!

(Ravestar15 yanks Nicole out of the studio. More explosions can be heard in the background. More sweatdrops.)

**Ta the SunTwin: **O-okay then, next question! Jiraiya, may I make a suggestion about your habits?

(Jiraiya nods eagerly (Just what is he thinking?))

**Ta the SunTwin: **You really need to be careful with spying on women in the hot springs, or else you'll regret it someday.

**Jiraiya:**What'cha talking about woman? I've never been caught by anybody during my research and I never will until the day that I die! My technique is flawless!

**Iruletheworld0:**(awed over Orochimaru's hair) But what if you did get caught? I doubt that you'd be making it out alive and that you'll be allowed into Heaven.

**Jiraiya:**Keep dreaming, girls.

**Iruletheworld0:**Whatever, Ero-Sennin.

(Ravestar15 and Nicole are back in their seats with very mysterious bruises)

**Ravestar15:**Alrighty, then! Your turn, Icy Sapphire15.

**Icy Sapphire15: **This one is for my favorite Sannin ever…Jiraiya-kun!

**Jiraiya:**Eh?!

**Icy Sapphire15: **Jiji-kun, what made you so perverted?

**Jiraiya:**Jiji-kun?!

**Ravestar15:**Hey, his proper name is Ero-Sennin!

**Jiraiya:**Geez…no respect for the elderly. Well, it all started one day when I was passing by the hot springs and a very beautiful woman passed by me. Apparently she had been drinking too much sake in the hot springs and had wandered out with only her towel on. Unfortunately, for her, the towel got snagged on a loose tree branch and came off, exposing her body…(goes into daydream mode)

**Ravestar15:**(whispering to others) How much do you wanna bet that he saw her boobs first?

**Nicole:**Nah, I bet he saw the lower regions…

**Iruletheworld0:**I really don't want to know what made YOU guys so perverted…

**(Ravestar15 points to Nicole, who smiles happily)**

**Orochimaru:**…(_Must get free…must get back and train Sasuke…I don't have time for this crap!)_

**Tsunade:**(drinking sake) I make the same bet as Ravestar15. The boobs are usually the first to get spotted.

**(Others stare at her like she is either crazy or weird. (Personally I prefer the weird choice. And when did she get back from her fight with the Crog??))**

**Tsunade:**Hey, I should know. Men stare at my chest every chance they get.

**Ravestar15:**(mutters) My next bet is that Tsunade's breasts are implants. (Shouts) Hey, Ero-Sennin is about to say it!

**Jiraiya:**(drooling) SHE HAD THE BIGGEST BREASTS THAT I HAD EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE!! THEY WERE SO HUGE AND SOFT LOOKING…! (goes back to daydream)

**Ravestar15:**YES! Pay up, Nicole; you owed me fifty bucks to begin with! (suddenly startled) Uh, Tsunade, you did make the same bet as me, right?

**Tsunade:**(nods, equally nervous) Yes, and we did win…and my nickname is "The Legendary Sucker" after all…

**(Crog suddenly barges into the room, seemingly very angry. It grabs Tsunade by the hair and drags her outside. VERY loud explosions are heard.)**

**Ravestar15:**(sweatdrops) Uh, before that thing comes back, let's continue. It's now time for Eastercat to ask! Ask away, Easterkitty!

**Eastercat:** Remind me again why my penname got a nickname?

**Ravestar15:** 'Cause it's so cute and it reminds me of a kitty cat in a bunny outfit! (squeals from image)

**Eastercat:** Whatever. Now, first question goes to everyone. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

**Ravestar15:** Umm, I'd say the egg but chickens make eggs and you really can't have an egg without a chicken mating with another chicken to produce the said egg while eggs are completely useless since there is no chicken to keep it warm…

**Iruletheworld0:** I thought that our questions were reserved only for the Sannin…

**Eastercat:** Well, apparently Rave forgot her own rules. By 'everyone' I meant only the Sannin.

**Ravestar15:** …if the egg came first it must have suddenly evolved from a rock in order to adapt into the harsh environment…

**Iruletheworld0:** Now THAT doesn't make sense at all. Is she always like this?

(Eastercat shakes head while Orochimaru is getting ticked off even more.)

Jiraiya: …BOOBIES…

Eastercat: Orochimaru, answer the question before I hear about any other gross body parts from Jiraiya…

Orochimaru: I refuse to take part in such idiotic behavior—(sees Nicole holding up a tub of lubricant and rubber gloves)—but now I agree.

(Everyone stares at Nicole, while Ravestar15 is still rambling about the chicken and the egg.)

Nicole: What? (looks at items) I was just going to unclog the sink since last night's dinner didn't make it all the way to the sewers.

Orochimaru: (_THAT was why I agreed to answer a stupid question?! All because I thought that she was going to take away my innocence?! _(Haha, like hell he's innocent!)) Well, in my opinion, neither the chicken nor the egg—

Ravestar15: I HAVE FIGURED IT OUT!! The egg is made by a chicken, whereas, a chicken is made by a hatched egg since it takes a chicken to hatch the egg in the first place…God created chickens so that they would multiply into the world and THAT IS WHY THE CHICKEN CAME FIRST!! (pants)

Orochimaru: --came first.

(Cricket chirping…)

Eastercat: I don't think that I want to ask any more questions, since she'll hurt herself with all of the thinking…

Iruletheworld0: Great, I'm the last one. Now, down to business. Orochimaru, WHY DID YOU LEAVE THE AKATSUKI?!

Orochimaru: No comment.

Iruletheworld0: (deflates) Okay, then…how about how do you get your hair so pretty?

Orochimaru: I use L'Oreal, because it doesn't leave tangles in my hair and gives it the perfect conditioning.

Nicole: I use L'Oreal too!

Ravestar15: Oh, come on, Nic! (sighs) You do anything that Pedophile-maru over here does. So why don't you get him out of here and go find Sasuke-teme so you guys can have fun, okay? Hell, go have a threesome for all I care!

Nicole: Alrighty then! (picks up Orochimaru by the chair and rushes out of the studio)

Ravestar15: IT WAS A RHETORICAL STATEMENT!! DON'T CORRUPT MY MIND EVEN MORE!

Eastercat: I think we have bigger problems than that.

(Studio door suddenly becomes destroyed and wind rushes into the area.)

**Tsunade (yells from outside): **ARGH! There's more than one, AND THEY'RE RUNNING INTO THE STUDIO!!

**Ravestar15: **Before I forget out of sheer terror, don't forget to read the next interviews "The Somewhat Good/Bad Guys!" (inhales) Now...RUN, RUN AWAY!

**(Everybody runs away quickly as the Crogs chase after them.)**

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**ME: Finally I can have some peace and quiet. That Crog sure was one ugly mother. (sighs) Now to enjoy my green tea and Sgt. Frog manga.**

**NARUTO: Rave-chan! When am I gonna be interviewed, huh?**

**ME: Naruto-kun, I told you that you will be interviewed last. Remember, what is saved for last is always the best, now go away and let me rest.**

**NARUTO: The last is always the best? (teary + sparkly eyes) Don't you even start worrying about me! I'll give you guys the best interview ever! Believe it!**

**ME: Enough with the annoying catch phrase. Has Lee taken care of the Crogs yet?**

**NARUTO: Yeah, and he told me to tell you that they were all defeated within the time limit, dattebayo.**

**ME: I never gave him a time limit...oh well, that's Lee for you. Oh, and Naruto...MAKE UP YOUR MIND ON ENGLISH OR JAPANESE! It's annoying! And say the end for me!**

**NARUTO: Hai! The next interviews are with Haku, Zabuza, Sasori and any other in-between guys you can think of! So if you review, you can become a co-host, believe it!**

**ME: If you do not choose soon, I will tear out you precious larynx!!**

**NARUTO: Eep! (runs away) **

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